Girl, Love You First!
The weight black women carry is heavy we are often times taught to be everything for everyone. We nurture, we support, we uplift, and we show up for others, often at the expense of ourselves. We are the backbone of our families, communities, and workplaces, carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders with grace and resilience. In the midst of all the giving the question is, how often do you pause and learn to give to ourselves? How often do we prioritize our own needs, dreams, and desires? Regardless of what most believe or say learning to love you first is not a selfish act—it’s an essential journey of reclaiming your power, peace, and purpose.
If you are like me self-love doesn’t come naturally at all. We’ve been conditioned to put others first, to silence our needs, and to accept less than we deserve. I have been actively learning that loving myself is truly the most radical and liberating acts I could ever commit to. It’s about recognizing your worth, embracing your flaws, and honoring your journey—no matter how messy or imperfect it may be.
Over the years I have said often that I have been pouring from an empty cup. I have always been so focused on being there for others I was overcommitted, overwhelmed, and over it. There were moments I lost touch with who I was and what I needed. I was so focused on being there for everyone else that I had forgotten to show up for myself. It wasn’t until I hit a low point, physically and emotionally drained, that I realized something had to change. I needed to learn to love me first.
On my continuous journey of self- love I hope these lessons inspire you on how to embark on your own path to choose you first; I had to learn how to set boundaries. Setting boundaries and keeping them is one of most powerful ways to love yourself. Saying no is a full sentence. Making your time and energy a priority is what you deserve and you aren’t obligated to everyone and everything. Boundaries are not barriers only bridges to a healthier you.
Believing in the idea of perfection is simply an illusion, striving for it will rob you of joy. What I have learned and continuing to learn is to embrace all of my imperfections those are the things that make me my most beautiful self not just the shiny parts of me.
The way that you speak to yourself in the quiet times matter. So be gentle with yourself. The world yells the cruel, mean and hurtful things to us. Learn to speak to yourself with kindness and understanding, especially on the tough days. Remember, you are learning, growing, and doing the best you can. Forgive yourself for past mistakes and let go of the harsh judgments. You deserve grace, just as much as anyone else.
One of the big parts of learning to Love Yourself is to make your own happiness a priority. It is so easy to cave to start doing the thing that is popular instead leaning into the thing that you up, that make you feel alive. Whether it’s spending time in nature, indulging in a creative hobby, or simply taking a quiet moment for yourself—make time for joy. Your happiness is not a luxury; it’s a necessity.
Learning to love you first is not a destination; it’s a continuous journey of growth, healing, and self-discovery. It’s about reclaiming your narrative, honoring your needs, and stepping into your power with confidence and conviction. Girl, keep moving forward. Keep choosing you. I promise you are worthy of all the love. It’s time to turn that love inward and watch as your world transforms in beautiful, unexpected ways.