Kind Vs. Nice
Growing up I never really knew the difference between being nice and kind. I just remember hearing the same line being repeated to me constantly, “Jee, you have to learn to be nice.” Over the years I realized the word kind and nice are very similar yet very different. with ver different definitions. I must say that I appreciate both the subtle and profound difference in being nice and being kind. As a girl who loves words I took a deep dive into learning the difference of both and the impact.
I always thought that being nice was a direct reflection of my personal value. Much of my 20’s was filled with my striving to be nice, not making waves so people would like the “Nice JeeJee". As I reflect on those times it became clear that nice is tied to many societal norms and the expectations of those around me. Often I was trying to keep a polite demeanor with so many people in my life family, friends and the members of my fathrer’s church all those years ago. I always extremely careful to avoid conflict making sure everyone was comfortable at the expense of how I felt in that situation even at the expense of my personal authenticity. Now all these years later I realize my aim to reach levels of niceness were extremely performative. What we fail to realize is living in a place of niceness it leads to very selfish way of life. If I am being honest being nice can feel extremely hollow because it doesn’t allow for a deep or genuine connection, it feels super transactional. If I am nice to someone then they will see me in a certain way. Shedding that mindset and the need to be nice can be a very layered process. Which brings me to where I have learned to live smack dab in the middle of kindness.
Kindness on the other hand is deeply rooted in empathy and compassion. Kindness is about genuinely caring for others in ways to support their well being. Living here often means making a tough decision or being in uncomfortable situations. II remember when I was a Director of Children’s Ministry there were many times I had to learn to be kind, staying mindful of how I treated those who worked with me. I had the tough decision to ensure I held them accountable to the leadership standards we created with compassion. In being kind it isn’t always about making that person feel good in the moment it’s about contributing in a positive manner to their lives in a meaningful way.
As I learn to navigate the streets of kindness I had to learn how to set boundaries, offer constructive feedback that wasn’t always my strong suit, even standing up for what was right when so many felt okay with going left. Now years later I am learning kindness is about integrity and authenticity.
On my journey from nice to kind I stumbled upon this ARTICLE in Forbes that brings more light to this conversation of how to know the difference between being nice and kind.
To move away from being nice and living with kindness, here are three ways to do so.
Practice Authenticity: To be kind, start by being authentic. Speak your truth, even when it’s difficult. and others judge you harshly. When you’re honest about your feelings and boundaries, you’re not just being nice to avoid discomfort; you’re being kind to yourself and others by fostering genuine interactions.
Develop Empathy: Empathy is at the heart of kindness. Strive to understand others' perspectives and experiences. When you empathize with someone, your actions come from a place of true concern and compassion, rather than a desire to be perceived positively.
Set and Respect Boundaries: Kindness involves recognizing and respecting both your boundaries and those of others. It’s okay to say no when you need to. This respect for boundaries is a profound act of kindness to yourself and those around you.
Personally learning the understanding and practicing kindness has truly been empowering in my life. Living in smack dab in the middle of kindness has helped me to build and keep authentic relationships and to stand firm in my values. Niceness may make life smoother on the surface, but kindness enriches life deeply.
Take it from me live a life where you aim to be more than nice. Live striving to be kind – to ourselves and to others. True kindness might require more effort and courage, but the impact is far more profound and lasting.