Baby I’m Weak!
Growing up I made my super power the ability to handle anything no matter how difficult. I leaned heavily into the idea of being the “Strong Black Woman” In the face of adversity I taught myself never to cry in situations that hurt me, broke my heart and even crushed me. I wanted to never look weak so I would endure and remind myself I’m strong enough to handle any situation simply proving my strength. Over the years I have learned this term meant black women should be able to handle any circumstance that comes their way without showing signs of vulnerability or weakness.
Personally I felt there was a pressure to be perfect a lie which I told to myself. This mindset only led to many moments of stress, burn out and the brink of a nervous breakdown. This sense of being strong all the time almost prevented me from seeking help when I needed it most.
In 2020, my grandma passed on a Friday, the following Monday I was back at work checking off my To-Do List. The next week my grandma’s funeral services were Saturday again I was back to work on Monday. As I type it and say it often reliving that moment it is simply outrageous I never allowed myself the space or grace to grieve in that moment.
I was running on negative complete EMPTY. I found myself saying yes to every project, birthday event, meeting, and so on and so on. After taking some time to be quiet I realized I was mad more than I was happy. Never felt through the night so much anxiety. My sense of leaning on me for strength was about to come to a complete end as it was ruining my life.
Sitting at my computer one day I decided to lay down my “strong black woman” cape, admit I am breaking up with the idea of strong to embracing, “Baby, I’m Weak.”
It was time to push away from desk, unsubscribe, check the box, NO and choose a YES for me. Then I boldly scheduled my therapy appointment so that I could begin to untangle myself from the trauma, bad behaviors and generational issues.
Over time I realize that the cape of strength I wore daily wasn’t needed. I have nothing to prove to myself or others, when it is too much for me I am going to speak up. Bottled up emotions cause an explosion later down the line.
II Corinthians 12:9 - 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
To keep from being super deep here, this is in invitation of embracing my areas of weakness. As I embrace weakness I am reaching towards to God to help me through these situations.
It’s important to recognize these challenges we face in our lives of our “strong black woman” mentality. There is joy in the fact that even in my moments of weakness, sadness, uncertainty, I have God to help stand me up. My therapy sessions to help me navigate, talk through so many tangled moments in my life. Today remember your “Strong Facade” will run out. You will need to trade that in for healthier choices to your mind, body and soul.
It’s completely okay to embrace your weakness, that is where you find your strength!