I Ain’t Code Switching No Mo’

I learned early on that code switching was going to be the path of success for me. My sophomore year in high school days was the start of my code switching. Often, I was the only black girl in classes, track meets, hanging out with white friends, my family was the only black family on our block up until about a few months ago. During those days there was no diversity and inclusion classes, there were no guided conversation around my white classmates being allies. There were just a bunch of rude, mean questions of if my family only ate fried chicken at home, how dark I actually get in the summertime, hands of many white girls touching my hair, to more questions from teachers asking if my family lived in a house or an apartment. Many days I was at a loss of words while being shock at the audacity.

Even though most of the time I was really shocked and sad that these were questions. I still had a sense of wanting to be accepted by those I went to school with. My ability to code switch allowed me to interact with white students and their families. I was still learning the value of who I was. At war between being my authentic self and who I was pretending to be. Vocalizing this world of code switching wasn’t easy so instead of talk about it I buried myself in books to get a break when I was overwhelmed being in survival mode.

Growing up it was often stated not just by my parents but those in my village that I didn’t want to sound ghetto. I never thought I sounded ghetto I just had a more relaxed way of talking around my family and friends. Not only did code switching help me with my teachers, classmates and other people I interacted with not to judge me harsher. Code switching in my mind had allowed me the ability not to be judged by my speech. Naturally I don’t have a higher tone in my voice so not only did I code switch but I changed the tone of my voice to sound more cheery less myself.

This past year in the pandemic taught me so much. Not only did it allow me to get in tune with my mental health, I had a much needed heart to heart with me. I realized although code switching had become a survival tactic it was causing me to shrink who I really was as a person. I was changing myself so that I could step into rooms that would accept me. Believing that my code switching was the reason I was in the room. Not realizing I was in the room because of who I was authentically.

One day during quarantine I heard Deon Cole said, “Don’t you code switch another day!” Right in that moment I literally said, “You right!” His point being don’t you shrink yourself to fit into these spaces that you really don’t want to be in. Don’t shrink and change who you are so that others are comfortable with your presence. In this moment I wished I had these words while growing up as a little black girl in a sea of an all white classmates. I wish I had the courage to show up as me being enough never changing.

Not only did I make the decision to stop code switching I also made the conscious decision each day I rise to Be Me! There is no pivoting to change so the room is comfortable with me. I am comfortable being me others will adjust. I refuse to show up anywhere not being my whole and complete self. The apologies have ceased. I won’t apologize for my laugh, my personality, my views about a subject, I won’t apologize for being pro-black, I won’t apologize for how my voice sounds, the way I think or the way I move.

Take some time to reflect on the ways you are showing up.

Are you being your full and complete self? Are you showing up 100% without any fluff or frill? Are you adjusting yourself so others are comfortable? If so, I would like to remind you that you are enough just the way you are. The world needs you, all of you!

Girl, Be You!