I Ain’t Code Switching No Mo’
My freshman year of high school attending an all girl, multi-cultural Catholic school was my introduction to code switching. Transferring to a predominately white school my sophomore year forced me to sink or swim. Baby, I was going to swim so code switching became my life jacket. Often, I was the only black girl in classes, track meets, hanging out with white friends, my family was the only black family on our block, 20 something years later my family is STILL the only black family on the block. There was no diversity and inclusion classes, there were no guided conversation around my white classmates being allies. There were just a bunch of rude, mean questions of if my family only ate fried chicken at home, how dark I actually get in the summertime, hands of many white girls touching my hair, to more questions from teachers asking if my family lived in a house or an apartment. Many days I was at a loss of words while being shock at the audacity.
Since this was the community I was living in there was still a desire to be accepted by those were beyond disrespect and rude to me. My ability to code switch allowed me to interact with white students and their families. I was still learning the value of who I was. At war between being my authentic self and who I was pretending to be. How do you share who you really are to those I was consistently code switching around? They would never understand me or the beauty of who I was. My passion and love for reading was my escape when I felt so overwhelmed while being in survival mode.
Growing up I was reminded that I should never speak ghetto, or be too loud, or laugh too loud all of which I did and still do. I just talked the way I knew how to speak. Even though I didn’t like that I had to code switch, it was code switching that helped me move through my life from high school through my corporate years. I had learned to master my tone, to sound nicer more pleasant the complete opposite of my deeper more sultry tone, that can come across mean to most.
During the pandemic I was fired from my corporate job after being fed up with the game I played most of my life. Burying so many friends and family including both of my grandmothers I begin to get in tune with my mental health. Part of that included realizing code switching is such a silly game to play!
It reminded me of what I heard comedian Deon Cole said, “Don’t you code switch another day!” Right in that moment I literally said, “You right!” His point being don’t you shrink yourself to fit into these spaces that you really don’t want to be in. Don’t shrink and change who you are so that others are comfortable with your presence. In this moment I wished I had these words while growing up as a little black girl in a sea of an all white classmates. I wish I had the courage to show up as me being enough never changing.
Are you being your full and complete self? Are you showing up 100% without any fluff or frill? Are you adjusting yourself so others are comfortable? If so, I would like to remind you that you are enough just the way you are. The world needs you, all of you!
Not only did I make the decision to stop code switching I also made the conscious decision each day I rise to Be Me! I will no longer contort myself to make others comfortable with my presence. Once I walk in the room others will adjust to my presence. I will show up only as my whole and complete self. The apologies have ceased. I won’t apologize for my laugh, my personality, my views about a subject, I won’t apologize for being pro-black, I won’t apologize for how my voice sounds, the way I think or the way I move.
Take some time to reflect on the ways you are showing up.
Girl, Be You!