I’m The Choice, Not the Option

Netflix released Love is Blind Season 2 out a few weeks ago. 

I want to warn you this is a spoiler alert, if you haven’t watched please do read or don’t, enter at your own risk. 

I waited until all 10 episodes were available so I could binge watch it’s really the only way. 

Some of these couples didn’t have no business being together, while others just played the game to get more air time in my opinion. Of all the couples the one that stood out to me Jarrette & Iyanna. 

They were cute, had a great connection seemed to really fit with each other while trying to really make an effort to be open and honest.

Sounds great right until you add in the fact that Jarette initially wanted to propose to Mallory. She turns his proposal when many of us thought she would pick him. I mean they both had nicknames for each other.  

Jarrette goes full on tears when he was turned down by Mallory.  Through his tears he still finds a way to circle back to Iyanna hitting her with, “Umm yeah, I did propose to Mallory she turned me down, but I realized even though I asked Mallory to marry me. You really are the person I should be with, “Will you marry me?”  Iyanna breaks down, upset and sad that she was the second option. After she cries feeling like crap she does eventually say, “Yes!” I don’t care how you try to slice this one she wasn’t the choice she was the option.

As I watched this interaction of both Jarrette and Iyanna it made me think of my own personal life journey. 

Growing up I wasn’t the girl always had a boyfriend or guys who wanted to hang out or date me. I was cool but I was also the girl who would sit in the library looking for a new book to escape into. The cool kids knew me but I never really made it to the popular section with the cool kids. 

In my adult years I was able to embrace me a bit more while navigate finding my place and my people.  Of course life comes with many bumps and heartbreaks. I came face to face with one of the hardest heartbreaks ever. After several years of what I thought would be a happy ending only turned out to be the worse and best experience of my life. Many encounters I experienced were proving that I never the choice only an option. I took the pain my heart and mind were enduring as a badge of honor. Hoping my ability to take so much would change me from being the option to the choice. Let me tell you it didn’t. At. All.

Chile, the tears I cried, the meals I missed, the stress I endured, the trips I didn’t take, the time I wasted waiting to be the choice still leaves feeling a bit crazed. It stings because I wished I could shake me back then to wake myself up from the trance I was in. Time was the best teacher. It took time for me to realize it is not the responsibility of a person to make me a choice. I had to choose ME! I had to turn in this tarnished idea of a badge of pain so that I could really begin to love me for me. It didn’t happen overnight it took a few years, more cry sessions, pray time, journal entries and a whole lot of therapy. 

Watching Iyanna not be the first choice, only the back up plan reminded me much of myself. I am not sure what happened off camera with Jarrette & Iyanna. What I do know is seeing Iyanna breakdown after finding out that the real proposal was never intended for her, reminded me of what I endured. 

I reminded me of my personal growth. It reminded me of how far I had come, how everyday is a new day to choose me and my dreams. No matter how much I don’t feel I fit in, how many times I will choose a book over going out, or my love to write and create. I may not have been the choice all those years ago but I am MY CHOICE today and forever! Letting go of negative thoughts about me, embracing all parts of me.