It’s A Selfish Kinda Year! Signed, Me

Being selfish or having selfish moments can leave you feeling as if you are a bad person. It will sometimes have people giving you a side eye. If your childhood was anything like mine you grew up being taught NOT to be selfish. We were taught to share our food, our toys and our time with others. Growing up in church you were taught often to forsake yourself for the greater good of others. Humility was the lesson running on empty was the way of life, being selfish was the enemy.

My way of life was showing up for everyone and every life moment and life event they had. Instead of being a bit selfish for me I made everyone else’s life a priority instead of my own. From birthday parties, hospital visits, wellness checks, brunches and everything else you can think of. There wasn’t a party or event I didn’t show up so that people in my life knew they could depend on me to be there for them!

Over the past two years either 2020 or 2021 not sure when exactly the years run together we are in the middle of a pandemic. Life started life’n real hard for me. I came face to face with why it was possible for me to show up for everyone else while abandoning me.

I ignored all the signals of my body begging for rest, I would push past all those feelings which lead to so many crippling moments of anxiety and depression. I knew it was time for much prayer and much therapy. I used the term “untangling myself” in a session to describe the way I begin to break away from the unhealthy ways in my life that didn’t benefit me. It was clear I tired, drained, hurt, sad, miserable and completely empty.

With therapy came journaling to help me work through things mentally through my writing. What ways did I want to change? Why was change necessary? If I didn’t change what would I look like? I had to learn being selfish wasn’t being mean it was choosing my health over everyone else. Being the best version of me was highly important because it wasn’t important for so long. Feeling empty and depleted had become my norm and I didn’t like that. I needed to change, change happens slowly.

Balance is of the utmost importance here. I am a firm believer in being there for others, showing up in the ways you can. We aren’t an island we all need friends, family and community. Being selfish simply means making yourself the priority to take care of YOU before showing up for others. It is possible for two things can exist at the same time. While on one hand I can be the person who does show up for you, I can also be the person who acknowledges when I need a break to recharge & refuel. I can remind those I love, “Today, I just don’t have it.” “I need a time-out.” This gives me a moment to rest my heart and mind.

Being selfish about you can look differently for everyone. Maybe you have a morning routine of quiet before you start your day. You may wake up slowly. Pedicures and manicures may be your thing monthly. Maybe it’s binge watching your favorite or new show. It could even be putting your phone on Do Not Disturb for a few hours. Whatever your selfishness looks like be mindful knowing it is necessary. Choosing to be selfish from time to time isn’t a bad thing, it is a good thing so you show up for your people and yourself being well, energized in mind and at peace in your heart.

It’s a Selfish Kinda Year!

Signed, Me