Take Off Your Cape
Not sure when I picked up this cape I have I needed every single day. Maybe it was because I am the oldest of my 4 siblings, second oldest of 20 grandkids an 15 great grandkids who knows. Maybe it is because I felt I needed to be strong for everyone around me. I have been walking around silently hoping for an applause for wearing this cape.
Somewhere along the line these roles have made me believe I need to be “Superwoman”. I have showed up, babysat, been the shoulder to cry on, the listening ear and the list goes on. My aunt reminded me as a little girl I never wanted to go play in the basement with my other cousins. I was determined to be with the adults, as a little girl I had adult like dreams and expectations for myself and others.
Over the years looking out for everyone else became my top priority. I wanted the very best for them. I would bend over backwards to make sure they knew I was there for me even if I didn’t feel up to the challenge to do so. My cape duties extended to those I called friends as well. Everyone was going to know they could depend on Jee!
I must admit that I have yet to overcome this cape mentality completely. It has been a pretty difficult way to live. I have been so concerned with everyone else’s happiness that my own happiness has been at risk. I have been pretty empty for many years. Making the mental health of everyone my top concern over my own. Over the years I begin to built up resentment in my heart. Saying to myself, “No one cares about me.” “They just want me to show up.” “When will they understand I have to choose me.”
We hear it so often that when it is dangerous to pour from an empty cup. After my therapy session after I heard it more clearly. If I am always showing up for everyone else, how can I ever show up for myself. It was in that moment I had to have a real heart to heart with myself about my cape.
“Why do you feel you have to be superwoman?”
"What are you really trying to prove?"
The lesson is one with continued layers of realization. Everyday is a day I am learning new ways to overcome this. The cape allowed me to focus on someone else other than me. I have placed my personal value in my ability to see how much I could carry for others. I based my personal strength on how I can keep going under the most ridiculous amounts of pressure. It sounds insane right?
My cape has been a false sense of security for me. What my cape has allowed me to focus on others over focusing on myself. My cape has given me a sense of being strong when the reality is I am scared to look at what I have created. It wasn’t others it was me all along.
There are a few things that are helping me to navigate through it all:
Therapy, has awaken a place in me that holds me accountable to my actions. Walking through my emotions in a healthy way.
Journaling, has helped me express what it is I feel in my heart. Over time I am able to see my growth through my words and actions.
The ability to say NO. I used to think I was really saying NO to things. When in reality I wasn’t. I was saying NO to a few things but saying YES to everything else.
There is no crown to accompany the cape you willingly put on everyday. The cape does not make you more valuable. It’s the realization of removing the cape is when you gain true freedom. Rest your heavy shoulders and heart. Live in balance. Be honest with yourself, you don’t need the cape. You are more than enough without it.